I'd like to start this post with a note that, since I'm very shy and struggle with talking about boys at all without blushing red as a tomato, this is a rather tricky post for me. And considering its a post about bravery, it seems rather ironic that I'm more than a little apprehensive and nervous about sharing it. ;) That being said, I'm doing so anyway, because I feel that it needs to be said. (Excuse me while I go hide in the corner and blush for the rest of the evening.)
Why I (And Apparently Many Other Young Ladies) Have Never Had A Date
The short and simple answer: I’ve never been asked. Despite several young admirers over the years – some of which everyone under the sun were aware liked me – I’ve never so much as been told that I was liked. Sure, there were the stares and the shy smiles and the flirtatious comments here and there. There were heavy hints and almost-romantic letters wherein the sender never actually admitted any romantic intentions – walking a careful line where everyone knew it but it was never admitted – but never was there actually a move on the boy’s part. And I know what everyone is thinking. “Well, why not just make the first move?” The answer for that is simple, as well. I want to actually be liked enough – and be considered worth enough – for the boy to get over the fear and ask.
For one, biblically, men are
supposed to be the leaders. They’re supposed to guide the family, be the ones
that go before and show the way. So if a boy isn’t even brave enough to tell me
to my face that he likes me, then how is he ever supposed to be a good, godly
husband to lead me and my children in our marriage? And over the years, I’ve
heard people respond to that opinion with, “Well, boys can’t help if they’re
shy!” Which is true. But there’s a difference between shyness and cowardice. I’m
shy. I’m extremely introverted. But I’m also the person that makes the opening
comments in a conversation 99% of the time. I’m not asking the boy to start the
conversation constantly or be the first to approach me continuously. I’ve
encouraged boys before. I’ve written letters back, I’ve talked to them, I’ve
even flirted – with absolutely no success of any kind.
In fact, my mother has gone so far
as to ask boys home for Sunday dinner to encourage them (an event that totally
embarrassed me, but hey, that’s what caring mothers are for ;) ).
Even more confusing – and frustrating
– still, I am not the only one experiencing such things. I’m friends with at
least a dozen girls with similar stories, and have heard even more such
accounts from mothers. Stories of boys telling everyone else under the sun how
much he likes a girl – in fact, even telling the girl’s parents – without the girl ever hearing word of it.
Boys, the most unattractive trait
in any man – if indeed you can call them men with such a trait – is cowardice.
I do not mind if you’re shy. I don’t mind if you need encouraged a bit. But if
you can’t get over your fear long enough to admit to me that you like me and
want to get to know me better, then any chance you had just went down the
drain. God has given you the role of leaders. Your place in the family is to
guide and to step up to the plate and do what is necessary to lead your family.
I’m not going to “make the first move”, because to me, a boy making the first
move is the first sign that he’s a godly man, ready for the responsibility of
taking on a relationship. Swallow your fear, approach the girl, and talk to her
truthfully.
If boys can’t become men and figure
that out, I fear a lot of us women will end up old spinsters, which is – to me,
at least – an unenjoyable thought. I’m 20 years old and have never been asked
out or told by a boy that he’d like to get to know me better, and I’m not the
only one in the Christian community, by a long shot.
Be brave, young men. Step out of
boyhood and find your courage, because I’m not going to do it for you.
Besides my firm view on this
biblically, I’m also disabled, making this an even more difficult point for me.
Not only won’t I go out pursuing men, I’m physically unable to do so. So God
will have to send someone who is willing to pursue me and not mind the physical
limitations I face every day. It’s a bit disconcerting to think that, if the
young men of our times weren’t even willing to assert themselves when I was
physically able to participate actively in social situations, how unlikely is
it that they’ll be willing to try twice as hard to do so now that I am not able
to?
So I guess I’d like to end this
with a request that we pray for the young men of our day and age. And those in
positions to guide and lead these young men, please teach them what it is to be
godly men who will pursue godly women as they ought to be pursued.
