The Danger Of Misplaced Hope

I’ve heard many times, from many people and articles, the phrase, “Keep hope alive. You’ll find a cure eventually/you’ll recover soon! Don’t get discouraged.” Most often, this phrase is used in relation to my illness (or illnesses in general). These words, however, are ones I’ve grown to dislike hearing, because of the implications they carry with them.

“Implications?” you ask. Yes, implications. These words imply that my only hope is to find a cure, and that if I’m not constantly keeping my focus on that goal, I’ve “given up”. It essentially is saying that my focus needs to constantly be on searching for a way to change my situation in life. And worse, it implies that putting my focus anywhere else is wrong or bad somehow. These are dangerous implications to make, in my opinion.

“Dangerous?” you ask. Yes, dangerous. Let me explain why.

For starters, finding a cure for physical problems – as nice as that may be – should never be our main focus in life. It shouldn’t be the thing that gives us hope when we wake up, or be our main pursuit as we go through the day. God should be. Our Lord and Savior should be the focus of all we do, and His Redeeming Grace should be the hope by which we live.

Psalm 146: 5-6a: Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God: Which made heaven, and earth, the sea, and all that therein is.

Psalm 39: 5, 7: Behold, thou hast made my days as an handbreadth; and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity. Selah. 7 And now, Lord, what wait I for? my hope is in thee.

Especially notice the phrase “verily every man at his best state is altogether vanity”. This life is fleeting. It fades away quickly and is gone. Even at our very best, it’s quickly declining into nothing. My focus and hope should be in the Lord and the eternal life he has promised me – where physical weakness and pain will mean absolutely nothing. There will come a day when all of the hardships of our life here will be gone forever, and that’s a Hope so much greater than a temporary cure here on earth.

Yes, it would be nice to find something to help, but until the time when He sees fit to bring that healing to me, my hope will remain in Him and his great mercy. He has placed me where I am for a reason. He has let my body be weak, allowed my physical state to be as it is, for a purpose.

People are always saying how great a miracle it is when people are healed from their illnesses. But I was already given the greatest miracle and gift God could have given me – when he healed me from my sin and transgressions against him. When he gave me eternal life, to walk with Him for all of time, in perfect health. He’s given me a gift greater than any cure ever can – and I will celebrate in that, and hope in that, and pursue the gifts that Greatest Gift has given me, first and foremost in my life.

And I hope, that if any of you are suffering things in your life as well, that you will do the same. That you will put your hope in the Lord and find the happiness that gift brings, rather than waiting for one that is so very pale in comparison. Don’t stake your happiness, your life, and your hope in something as fleeting as health and worldly things. Stake it in something everlasting.

Release Date Announcement!

Hey, guys! I’m super excited and thrilled to announce the release date of my second novel! It’s the sequel to my original and the second in my series “The Fire Rain Chronicles”. The day to mark on your calendars is MAY 10th!

 

I’ll be finishing up the last draft for this year’s Camp NaNoWriMo, polishing all of those plot holes my fantastic beta readers found for me and giving a shine to all the wording. Can’t wait to find out what everyone thinks after they read it!

 

 

 

In celebration of the upcoming release, I'm going to be some giveaways and sneak peeks throughout the month of April, so stay tuned for more information! ^-^

The Author's 9 Jobs

“Writing a book is easy! Anyone can do it.”

As an author, you hear this from people all the time. People look at writing as one of the “easiest” professions there is because “after all, anyone can do it”. Sure, anyone can sit down and type out 80,000 words on a word doc. It doesn’t take any special training or specialized tools or knowledge… right?

Well, not exactly.

Writing may be one of the easiest careers to get into, but it’s not the easiest to make it in. Not only is there a lot more to writing than most people know (I’ll get to that in a bit), but there’s also another key factor – the criticism. Being an author is one of the most high pressure jobs you can get. Why? Because everyone believes they’re an expert. After all, anyone can sit down and read your work and then compare it to hundreds of others, analyzing your every decision, your every grammar mistake or spelling error or plot hole. And they will, trust me. They’ll write a review, good or bad, and put it out where the entire world can see. It won’t matter if they have any kind of credentials, if they actually know what they’re talking about, or if anyone should listen to them. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and they’ll be sure everyone hears about it – even if that’s all it is.

So what does it take to write a book that will make it in the hard world of reader criticism? A lot of things. An author is basically a psychologist, an English teacher, a sociologist, an engineer, a government major, a scientist, a religion specialist, poet, and a logician, etc. etc. etc. Why? Let me break it down for you.

Psychologist: An author has to know people. You have to get inside their heads and find what drives them. Every decision that your characters make, you will be responsible for. In-depth characters are one of the key components to making a book work – and therefore a key component to making readers like and buy your work. They have to function as human beings – be relatable, understandable, and lovable. They have to think like people think, act like people would act. Every part of their personality, thoughts, actions, hopes and dreams all will be analyzed and studied and, ultimately, will decide whether or not you’ve created real people or flunked out. Poor character creations are one of the first things that will turn readers off for your work.

English Teacher: As an author, you basically have to know more than an English teacher would about grammar, punctuation, spelling and turn of phrase. You’d better believe that your work has to be perfection or it’ll get mentioned again and again in reviews.

Sociologist: As an author, you will have to have down the origin, development, organization, and functioning of your human society. You will need to be able to answer any question that arises about the entirety of your world from the view of your own humanity. And it all has to be consistent, or people will find those inconsistencies and publish them for everyone else to see.

Engineer: How do your flying cars fly? How did your character get over the wall with just a piece of rope and two pulleys? How did your pre-technology civilization build a castle suspended over the ocean? Any and every engineering problem your characters face, you’d better know the answer to – or at least be able to pull off a believable bluff. People want to know things are believable: that they could actually happen. If there isn’t a reasonable explanation, they’ll cry foul.

Government Major: You may not actually have to go to law school, but your government has to be as believable as your engineering. You’ll need to know how it functions because that will affect your entire society. The rule of law is essential in character development and for both you and your characters to know where they stand. Who is above who? How does that affect your characters’ day to day lives? How does it affect your plot? Does it help it, hinder it, or is it the cause of it? You’ll need to create a system of law that makes sense, is uniform, and functions – or vice versa, one that is failing and has logical reasons as to why.

Scientist: For all the reasons you have to be an engineer, you have to be a scientist. You have to be ready with a scientific explanation of everything in your newly created world. A plant has a healing property? Why? What causes it? How does it work? The sun revolves around your planet instead of the other way around? Why? How does it affect your planet? Does it change weather? Plants? Any environmental aspect of your world needs to make sense with all the other environmental aspects. Any scientific breakthrough will have to be backed up. And if you don’t have good explanations, then you either have to bluff believably (which isn’t a walk in the park) or you’ll likely be criticized for it.

Religion Specialist: What religion does your country/world have? Does it have many? How does it affect your characters? Do they believe in it/them or not? How does it/they relate to your scientific standpoints? How does it/they affect the culture/social standing? If you mention a religion once or twice and never have it affect anything, it’ll be considered a poorly developed world or a plot hole.

Poet: People expect a certain poetic – or at least interesting – level to the descriptions in books. If they’re bland or boring, people won’t read your book. It’s just that simple. No one wants to wade through pages upon pages of boring descriptions. Authors have to weave words in a way that draws people in and holds them captive for hours at a time.

Logician: Everything your characters, world, government, science and religious groups do must make at least some logical sense. You have to be able to justify it all logically – if only logically in the minds of the people doing it.

 

And all of that is only for starters. There’s all the small details that make a story flow, as well. The humor, the subtle hint of emotions without stating them, the color every author has to add to their own unique world that can’t always be defined.

You may be thinking “well, you could just not have any of those things if they’re so hard”. And you could, I guess. Not have a religious group and therefore bypass that difficulty. Or you could skim over scientific explanations of things and simply say no one knows. You could give vague backgrounds on characters that could, possibly, explain all their actions without having to go into detail. But if you do, it will come across as sloppy and not well thought out, and you’ll be just as disliked on those grounds as well.

There is some leeway with things. You don’t always have to give the scientific explanation, or include some religion, or give a full account of every characters’ background. But you do have to include at least some elements of them all. Well-developed plot, world, and characters is critical to creating a good book. The amount of work you put into it is almost always how much return you’ll get back. People appreciate good books because good books are hard to write. It’s not every day that you stumble upon a book that draws you in and captures your attention to a depth that a truly well-done book does.

Which brings us back to the beginning. “Writing a book is easy! Anyone can do it.” Yes, anyone can write a book. You could sit down and type out 80,000 words on a doc and publish it on kindle and see what happens. Lots of people do it all over the world, every day. That slogan is why there are so many books out there. Anyone can write a book the easy way.

But not everyone can write a good book.

"Maybes" and "Ifs" - Life Can Be Good

I have been struggling a lot over the last year to try to understand how I feel about doctors. MDs, NDs, medical and natural, small clinics and large hospitals. And that struggle, I’ll admit, has been a difficult one for me. Every time I step through their doors – big doors and little doors alike – I am faced with a myriad of emotions that make little sense to me.

The one I feel the most is apprehension and fear, which has left me confused and frustrated since all of this began. I went through stages of guilt where my mind tried to convince me I was somehow, subconsciously, weirdly, not wanting to be healed. I faced periods where I thought maybe it was induced by my poor experiences: the physical pain that followed or was inflicted during those visits or the mental distress at being called insane or attention-seeking.

But I don’t think it’s any of those things. Not when I’m thinking logically and not letting emotions like guilt and fear run away with my mind.

Because I don’t mind trying every possible solution.

I don’t mind going to doctors or having my blood drawn.

I don’t mind having the scans, or taking the pills, or any of that.

And I would love to be normal again. I would love to do all of those things that everyone always talks about me doing if I was healed. Going to college to become a wedding planner (something that I’ve thought would be amazing since I helped my mom with a wedding reception when I was a lot younger), traveling the country, etc. None of those things bring on apprehension or fear. Those are things I would love to do, to be, to have. Who wouldn’t? I think only the insane.

Yet I am not well enough to do those things now, and I think that’s what bothers me. Because what I do mind…

…is hearing it talked about with excitement, and the pills not working.

Is listening to everyone hope for it with all their hearts, and the blood work to come back with nothing.

What I mind, is watching disappointment cloud their eyes and their faces with every possible-fix that doesn’t work out.

I hate the disappointment. I hate the way it makes my mom look like she’s gonna cry. I hate the way it brings frustration and sadness and pain. I hate hearing people say “maybe by then you’ll be better so you can…”

Because “then” always comes and I’m still the same.

I don’t always want to be waiting for a “then”, and I don’t want to make everyone who loves me wait for a “then” too. I don’t want my life to be on hold, waiting for a cure, hoping for the next medical breakthrough. I don’t want to plan my life based on “maybes” and “ifs” that may come while I am still…the way I am.

And I don’t want to spend my whole life feeling broken, like something that can’t be complete as it is. I don’t want everyone else to spend their whole lives feeling that way either. I don’t want to be pitied like I’m getting a second-rate life. Because I won’t be getting a second-rate life if I make this life my own.

I don’t want to give up trying to get better. I want to keep trying the things my mom finds that may help me. But I don’t want to keep holding onto those things as the only options to a good life. I don’t want to base my life on maybe-fixes.

I want to base my life on the one truth I really understand, and that’s this:

 

Psalm 139: ¹⁴ I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

¹⁵ My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

¹⁶ Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

^z17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

¹⁸ If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

 

God made me the way I am, fashioned me with His own hands. He knew I would grow weak. He knew I would face these things. And in His time, and His way, if it is His will, He will heal me of it too. And in the meanwhile, I want to trust that He has a purpose for it. I want to remember that all things work together for good to those that love Him.

I want to go to Texas and try everything they tell us. I’m so, so grateful for the opportunity to go and everyone who is helping us to get there. It’s an opportunity that’s amazing for me, and for my family, and words can’t convey how precious I find everyone who is sending us. Knowing so many people love me is…just beyond what I can express. God has truly given me the most amazing friends and family – both in blood relation and through Christ.

But I want to do all of it knowing that if it doesn’t work, I’m still going to have a great life. Not because I have amazing health, but because I know I have a Savior who is with me, a family who loves me, and friends who uphold me.

I want to go into it knowing that if it doesn’t make all those dreams everyone has for me possible, I can still make new ones. Maybe ones that are limited by my health, but still ones that are wonderful. Like writing a hundred books and publishing them all. If I’m unable to become a wedding planner, then I can become a great author. If I am unable to go to college, I will research so many books that I eventually educate myself on a thousand topics more than any college can teach me. If I can’t travel the world, then I will write my own and share it with others who can’t either.

And when I am done, I will be able to say that I have filled the world with clean, good literature – something our world is desperately in need of, and something I can do.

Because life isn’t about what you can or can’t have; what we are or what we aren’t. Life is about serving our Lord and Savior with what He has given us, and praising Him for it.

And I think, if I look at life this way, and He heals me, it will be a beautiful surprise. If we find a cure, or a doctor does something that helps, or we figure out something that changes my health for the better – no, for the marvelous – then it will be something incredible to celebrate. I’d rather it be that, than always look for it and hope for it and only find bitter disappointment. And… I’d like to ask everyone else to do the same. Everyone is always asking what they can do to help me, and I guess this is what I want, and have wanted for a while now.

Help me stop looking at life as “maybes” and “ifs”. Help me to start living without them. Help me promote my books as I publish them, so I can bring in my own money. Help me make plans for the future. Help me learn to be happy with the life God has given me, if He chooses to leave me in it. Help me learn to cope if the pain is always more than I know how to bare.

I don’t want to live my whole life holding out for “maybes” and never do anything else. Help me to make a good life even if there is no miracle.

I love you all so very dearly. More than I ever know how to say. You’re the reason my life is already wonderful. You all really are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

 

~Mandy~

Results May Vary

Well, I followed the checklist...and I got the second result. Man, I was really hoping to become a superhero. D:

Breathing Life Into My Darling

 

 

My dream is, like many people’s, not reliant on myself alone. Because once you take that first step out of writing a book and into publishing it, that dream is no long yours only, but belongs to the people. It becomes, nearly, more theirs than yours, and all you can do is wait with shallow breath to see if they’ll accept it, and love it, and take care of it.

You have no control over the way others treat your dream, whether they spit on it, despise it, frown on it, love it, adore it, or admire it. Though you have poured your entire life’s hope into this single object, with a word, they may tear it down.

Or, perhaps, your dream will get lost in the millions of others, and no one will care, or see it. For they have that power, too, where you do not. It is their choice to see it, to open it, to breathe it in. It is their option whether they will take your dream in their hands and cradle it and gently bring it to life.

This is the curse of all authors.

The curse of waiting, breathlessly, to see if someone else will breathe life into your darling. Like a mother waiting to see if any prince is willing to awaken their daughter from an eternal sleep, we wait, with no control, no power.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Persuasion

Jane Austen’s tale of Persuasion fascinates me on an entirely different level than her other novels have. The main character – Anne Elliot – is one of such beautiful strength that it leaves all her others, in my opinion, behind.

“But Anne, with an elegance of mind and sweetness of character, which must have placed her high with any people of real understanding, was nobody with either father or sister; her word had no weight, her convenience was always to give way – she was only Anne.”

How do you explain a person with enough character to always do right by everyone else? To put their happiness, their joy, their hope for a future beyond her own? How do you find words to explain someone who, while in the very depths of love itself, would leave behind the only person who has ever truly loved her back as she ought to be loved, to make others happier?

Anne Elliot is extraordinary not because she speaks her mind, or weaves words of elegance, or is the funniest, prettiest, best character to read. In fact, through much of the book, you hear very little of what she says. But her strength is the way she faces every pain and evil put upon her with grace.

She’s thought of as nothing by her family, her opinion only sought to settle debates, which she avoids so as no one will be angry with her. Her joy only thought of by a few, and even then only after everyone else’s. Everyone uses her to voice their complaints of everyone else, and then insists upon her solving their problems.

The book takes place many years after Anne’s youthful romance was cruelly ended by meddling family and friends. Her former love – Captain Wentworth – returns to the countryside near her and the grounds under which he was disapproved before have become nothing: as now he is a navy captain. Most were unaware of the attachment or didn’t care, as “after all, it is only Anne”, and hardly even remembering him at all. In fact, now he is held in the highest regards by everyone.

And so, sweet Anne, must now sit through endless conversations on his worth, his wonderful manners, his kindness, and how loved he is by everyone. Sweet Anne, who had been promised to marry him, and is not yet over the pain of the forced separation.

Things do not get better from there for our precious Anne. Indeed, they get worse. Captain Wentworth doesn’t only ignore her with icy politeness, but she overhears conversations with him to other young ladies that insinuate how weak-minded and – indeed – pathetic he found her behavior for backing out of their engagement. He makes it clear that he is only looking for a young lady who cannot be persuaded by others.

Now in close circles with him once again, as a favorite among the ladies, she watches as there is a war for his affections. With grace, she keeps her silence. With grace, she converses politely about him with everyone. And with grace, she listens as her sister and her husband make bets on which young lady will end up Captain Wentworth’s wife.

Yet, despite it all, and the years of separation, she still loves him.

I will not tell you how the book goes from there, only that there’s much more to the tale of Anne Elliot. I found this book of Miss Austen’s the most compelling of her work, the most baffling. I could not predict the next turn, and often was surprised by the newest developments. And through it all, I found myself surprised again and again by Anne’s strength of character, in a family that had little care for such things.

I think she is a beautiful example for how we should face life, yet with captivating flaws that keep her a realistic heroine.

Persuasion is, by far, my favorite classic I’ve read.